My Father's Debut as a Poet

Just about one year ago my father - AKA Nick - made his debut as a poet. I’m not exactly sure how I came across this post, it was probably before Steven blocked him. It is too specific to be a copy/paste situation. It is truly horrible writing. Below is copied from his original post:

Let’s break it down shall we?

“Dear big kids, I will meet you where you’re at” 

To be clear my father has never met me where I am at a day in my life. Let’s continue. 

“I will meet you in the kitchen when you get up in the morning and have a long day ahead of you, and you ask me if I could make you some breakfast or you let me make you some breakfast.” 

This sentence doesn’t even really make sense, but besides that. I don’t remember the last time Nick made me breakfast? Surely it happened, but I have no recollection of it. I certainly never asked him to make my breakfast. That would be crazy! Nick do something for me??? Would never happen. 

“I will meet you by the side of the road when your car starts making funny noises and you’re not sure it’s going to get you where you need to go.” 

Ehhh, there is about a 50/50 chance he will meet you. You better believe if he does though, you’re gonna be miserable. Once, when I was no older than 17, I got my trailer hitch stuck under a guard rail at work. I called my dad, asking him to bring a crowbar. He said, and I quote, “I don’t need this today Michelle. Fuck you.” Then hung up the phone. He did come and get me unstuck, but it reinforced a lesson I learned many times: “Don’t call dad, it is not safe.” 

Another time during COVID, I was running an errand for him. I went up, about 20 minutes away from home, to get him cigars. My car started not accelerating properly, and I called him to see what to do. He told me to either get the car home, or ride with the tow truck driver. I had my elderly grandmother with me as well. He claims this didn’t happen. Then again, narcissists never seem to remember what they did! It’s so crazy,

“I will meet you at Dunks or Starbucks or anywhere when you’ve got just enough time between one thing and another but not enough to come home.”

Now something my dad and I really bonded over was our love of coffee. We would often take rides just to go to Starbucks and get an afternoon Trenta Red Eye unsweetened. That is unsweetened iced coffee with an extra shot of espresso. My dad’s drink of choice at the time. I do have fond memories of these times. Laughing with Nick, making silly snapchats and also him triangulating. 

Often, if not almost daily, when I began to drive my dad would ask me to run errands for him. Whether it be to get coffee, go to the grocery store, pick up or drop off a dog, really anything. If I tried to say no… You better believe all hell broke loose. I was getting a guilt trip, pouting, cold shoulder etc. I could not say no, even if I wanted to. Nick has never once in my ENTIRE LIFE met me somewhere just to get coffee for me. If anything, he would tell me to pick up the coffee or food, and bring it home to him. He would never leave the house, just to see me. He would never leave the house because I wanted to do something. It had to be his idea, or it wasn’t happening. 

“I will meet you on the couch when you get home late at night and feel like talking”

This has never happened. He would make me come up to his bedroom to let him know I was home. Then stand at the end of the bed while we talked. I didn’t even have a place to sit. Now, I know if I brought this up to him he would say “well you never said anything!” I don’t know, it seems pretty obvious that it is uncomfortable to stand for long periods of time while talking to someone. 

“I will meet you in the driveway before you’ve even turned off your car engine when you come home for a weekend or a vacation or a holiday”

This is possibly true. If he was already up and about he might come outside. If he’s in bed though, no way. You gotta go up to him. Even if he did meet me outside the first thing out of his mouth would probably be something like “It’s been 87 days since I’ve seen you. 87 days. I counted.” Which brings us nicely into the next “stanza” of this “poem.”  

“I will meet you in a state halfway between where you are most of the time and where I am most of the time, so I can see you for any amount of time.”

I genuinely don’t know what he is going on about here. I asked him MANY times to meet me halfway. He always said no. He drove up to Vermont to visit me (in the state I LIVE IN by the way, not just where “I am most of the time”) one whole time, in the 3 years I lived here before we went no contact. The cognitive dissonance here is CRAZY. I’m sure he wants to be a parent who does this, but he is not. 

I went to college 45 minutes away from my home-town. I once forgot something at home, and asked my parents to meet me halfway to drop it off. Nick basically said no. He said I should “face the consequences of my actions.” I told him fine, I’ll drive all the way home. He begrudgingly agreed to meet me, guilt tripping me the whole time. When I tried to express that I felt like I couldn’t ask them for help, he told me I was wrong. 

“I will meet you on FaceTime or Zoom.”

This is probably true, but takes almost no effort. He doesn’t get brownie points for answering the phone. 

“I will also meet you at the other places where you are… in sadness or heartache or disappointment or confusion or anxiety. I will do my best to try not to rush you through these places but to help you make them count while you’re in them.” 

I stopped telling my parents things, because if I didn’t do what they said, then I was wrong. One time when I was probably in Middle School, my great-grandmother had to cancel plans with me. I was disappointed, and had a few tears falling from my eyes. Nick shouted “she’s 90 years old, stop crying.” Doesn’t seem like you were meeting me in my disappointment father. 

I asked both of my parents to please not make unsolicited comments about my relationship. They then proceeded to berate me for the next 45 minutes about how awful my then boyfriend, now husband was. I don’t know, that doesn’t seem very “try not to rush you through these places.” 

When I decided to move to Vermont for a job, he gave me the silent treatment for days. He also posted a family photo with me badly photo shopped out of it. 

“And, I’ll meet you in celebration or victory or flat-out happiness, and here, mine will be the loudest applause of all.” 

I mean sure, he celebrated my victories. As long as it didn’t inconvenience him, and it was what he wanted me to do. When I was excited to move to Vermont, or live in a dorm in college, he did not like those choices. Don’t worry he made it very clear he did not want me doing those things. Good thing I didn’t listen. 

“I know sometimes where you’re at isn’t going to be someplace you want me to be or need me to be. And that’s okay.” 

I don’t know, I don’t need him right now, and he seems pretty butt hurt about it. He spreads lies about me. He tells people I am an alcoholic - to be clear we haven’t spoken in almost 2.5 years, so how he  would know even if I was one, is beyond me. 

One time, after we had gone no contact, I was visiting my home town to visit a few folks. While I was there, he drove around trying to find my car at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning, to try to figure out who I was staying with, I guess? He made fake phone numbers, called me on restricted numbers and sent me paragraph long emails trying to guilt trip me, and tell me he was forbidding anyone from telling me anything about the rest of my family, when I first went no-contact. So is it really okay dad? That I don’t need you? Or does it eat you up inside, that I built a wonderful beautiful life that you played no part in? 

“But when it is, as much as it’s within my power and won’t hold you back from getting where you need to go, just say the word, and I’ll meet you there.” 

I think I have adequately proved that is a load of bullshit.